


crippled by the moral ambiguity of your comedic actions

by sandpapersnowman



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 20:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17230988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandpapersnowman/pseuds/sandpapersnowman
Summary: Of all the other spider-people to be stuck with in the lab, why did he get saddled with thejoke?





	crippled by the moral ambiguity of your comedic actions

**Author's Note:**

> written for my buddy [han](oct4th2009.tumblr.com)! I mentioned I wanted to write spiderverse stuff and he messaged me Instantly lmao
> 
> title is a bastardized quote from noir and is just about longer than the fic itself

Despite how quickly they're trying to work to sort out the whole mashed-together-dimensions things, they've got an uncomfortable amount of waiting around time.

Peni is making adjustments to her mech, headphones in and oblivious to the rest of the spider lab, and it -- unfortunately -- leaves Noir and Ham to their own devices.

"So," Noir tries, "cartoon, huh? Are you aware of the third dimension, or is that something we shouldn't talk about?"

Peter Porker conjures a cube easily in a thought bubble, attempting to pluck it out into real life and it comedically falling and bonking him on the head.

"No, I'm aware," he says, twirling the cube on his finger, balanced on a point like the world's shittiest basketball. "I'm uncomfortably familiar with it, considering how carefully I have to work within my boundaries."

Noir's alleged eyebrows furrow under his mask, rolling fabric like a foreboding storm darkens a sky.

"What do you mean? The gags seem to come pretty easy for you."

Porker makes the cube vanish with a dramatic snap.

"Oh, no!" he says, nearly scolding Noir for suggesting so. "This took _years_ to master. Can _you_ do _this_?"

He does something that, frankly, gives Noir a headache. He imagines it's not meant for human eyes (or at least not for human eyes at _this_ angle), and he can finally refocus once Porker does a big, dramatic finish, posing with a party popper dormant in his hands. 

"N--" 

_POP!_

Porker interrupts him by popping the party popper. 

Noir waits another moment to let the confetti fall to the floor. Get it out of his system. 

"No, I can't," he finally says. "Can you shoot a gun?" 

"In theory," Porker scoffs. "Can _you_ tell me what the iconic Spiderman colors are?"

The lab falls silent again. 

"Fuck off."

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me shitposting headcanons on [tumblr](sandpapersnowman.tumblr.com) for this and various other fandom!


End file.
